Wake me up when September ends... Remember that song from many years ago? Well, it pretty much sums up this month for this mama. It's been rough, friends. I'm talking questioning my calling, ugly crying, sleepless nights rough. I keep telling myself that if I can make it through September then everything will be alright. But the truth is, I don't know.
I truly love to teach. When I'm in my classroom teaching, I really feel like I'm fulfilling part of God's calling for my life. Lately, I've been been hit with so many demands at school that it's stressing me out. I'm grading anywhere between 5-8 sets of papers each weekend. I spend additional time putting grades into the computer, because the system I work in requires grades to be input on a weekly basis. I don't have time to grade papers or plan at school due to the fact that I'm teaching additional lessons to students who need additional assistance 4 times a week during my planning time.
Never have I worked so hard, only to be told by my principal that I'm not doing enough. It crushed my spirit, y'all! He actually said that to our whole grade level and we were all dumbfounded. One teacher laughed and walked out, and another started crying. The rest of us stood up for ourselves, and it wasn't pretty.
I tell you all of this to get to this point: Yes, God called me to be a teacher, but he also called me to be a wife and a mother. Right now I'm not doing a bang up job handling the stress from work. I feel like it's affecting my mood. The work I bring home, takes time away from the people I love the most. A few Sundays ago, Tucker and Hudson were playing outside, having a ball. Where was I? Sitting at the kitchen island grading papers.
I'm beyond frustrated and conflicted. My prayer this month has been for God to help me make a decision about my career and to help me handle my stress better. Things have gotten better, but I'm not sure it's enough.
I know most people are snickering because here I am, a teacher, complaining about the demands of my job. Most people think I should be happy, because I only work 9 months out of the year and get holidays off. I wish my job were that easy. The truth is I work hard and prepare for the next year all summer long. I take papers home and grade and plan over the holidays. I attend professional developments to grow in my profession. Sometimes I just want a job I don't have to bring home with me. Cosmetologist, maybe?
It's not all bad news though. My school kiddos are wonderful. I'm blessed to be a part of their lives for a brief nine months. They are the reason I continue to teach and continue to do more to help reach their goals. I don't teach for praise. I don't teach for the money. And I certainly don't teach for the holidays off. I teach because I love it, and I know that God has placed me in this position for a reason.
I ask that you please pray for me this year. Pray for God to lead me in the direction that He would have me go. Pray that He helps me to depend on Him during stressful times and not lean on my own understanding.
On an unrelated note, Hudson is growing up so fast! He's 27 lbs. 2oz. last time we checked. Which is often, due to the fact we've been to the doctor's office every other week, if not evey week for the past two months. Hudson had his 5th ear infection last week, and this week he caught Hand, Foot, and Mouth disease. We go again next week to check to be sure his ears have cleared up and to talk about being referred to an ENT. I believe tubes are inevitable!